Review by Jen
Erotica Island is an X-rated game and this review is probably
going to turn out X-rated too, or at least NC-17. If you are easily
offended by sex topics and/or dirty words, please! stop here!
I don't want any hate mail from people who are upset by the subject
matter and/or language in this review.
Is it Really an Adventure Game?
Yes, in that you have to solve puzzles and use inventory items
in order to progress. You play as Reggie Rich, who has genitals
the size of a gerbil's, according to the narrator. As the game
opens, Reggie is on his yacht, drinking a daiquiri (or something)
as he enjoys a blow job. He gets a phone call and must leave the
yacht to tend to business. He boards his helicopter and flies
off, only to crash land on ... you guessed it, Erotica Island.
Turns out there's only one boat on the whole island, which is
owned by one Randy Muffin, a studly black dude with a gigantic
'fro. Said Mr. Muffin will take you back to your yacht for the
negligible sum of $10,000 ... but he will reduce his fee to a
mere $100 if you can manage to bed the seven most beautiful women
on the island. Well, even though you're wealthy, all your money
is either now in the drink or back on your yacht (not specified
... why bother with minor plot details, right?), so of course
you feel compelled to set out on your sexcapade.
Emergency Tissue Pack
When you do something right in the game, one or more women will
agree to engage in some form of sexual activity with you, running
the gamut from the oral to the anal to the threesome. The game
actually comes with an "Emergency Tissue Pack," which
I guess you're supposed to use to sop up the evidence of your
titillation. If you're a man, that is. And titillated. The game
even tells you to whip out those tissues a couple of times. Hmm,
I wonder if "tissue" is a euphemism for "dick"?
Plenty of Small Sombreros ...
However, I am not a man. Or even a lesbian. I have trouble believing
that many men would find this game arousing. But you never know.
I have heard rumors regarding the true location of men's brains,
and it ain't in their heads baby! Or at least not their big heads.
Judging from the Japanime-style faces of the females, I believe
Erotica Island to be based on the Japanese Hentai/Manga
style of sexual comics and animation. However, from what little
I've seen, the artists of those cartoons tend to employ some care
and attention to detail in every aspect of rendering a woman's
body, not just the ol' mammaries.
The same character model is used for all seven babes. Minor changes
are made to each, such as hairdo, nipple color, and the pattern
on the thin veneer of clothing that is very sloppily slathered
on just so's they have something to take off. I did think it was
nice how the shiny hair color always matched the shiny nipple
color. Kudos to the designers for that little detail!
The nipples are ridiculous. Aside from the aforementioned shininess,
they sit atop the women's boobs like pepperoni on a pizza, instead
of on the front like in the real world. Or the bottom, in some
cases. Not naming any names or anything.
... But Not a Single Purple-Helmet Warrior
Nary a one. Even though there are two naked guys in the game,
Randy Muffin and Reggie himself, you never once see a penis. Plenty
of sex with plenty of penetration of plenty of female orifices,
but the penis is merely suggested. By the location of the woman's
mouth and the endless slurping noises.
The Intercourse, er, Interface
You know, this whole game smacks of homemade. The graphics are
crappy, and the interface is straight out of the early 90s, except
the game is point-and-lick, oops, click, instead of verb-controlled.
The whole thing actually works okay, but it's slow, quirky, and
Your menu is at the bottom of the screen at all times. Your choices
are map (which is the only way to move from location to location),
Reggie's Bits (inventory), Erectometer (penis size gaugeyou
have to fill it up before the island's überbabe will let
you fuck her), Options (save, load, quit), the Item in Use (you
have to choose something out of inventory and have it appear here,
and then use it on something; you have to click cancel to get
rid of it), and a music/sound on/off button.
Inside the inventory screen, you get another menu. Sometimes
you have to combine one or more items, and this is done by choosing
the first item, clicking the "combine" choice, then
choosing the next item.
Lip-Smacking Mm-mm Good(?)
Voice acting is truly abysmal, bottom of the barrel all the way.
At least it's consistent. Reggie sounds like a smooth-talking
retard. He speaks without inflection, extremely slowly. The babes
all have different voices, but I'm guessing the women are all
friends and neighbors of the game designer. Not a one of these
women could voice-act her way out of a porno flick.
Most of the sound effects are really lame. Each time you meet
one of the babes for the first time, you get a siren noise and
a stupid "Babe Alert" screen. Sound effects are repetitivelots
of oohs, ahs, and sloppy spit noises from babes gnawing on Reggie's
pud with their mouths open. Where are their manners, I ask you?
My mommy always told me to chew with my mouth closed. Same slurpy
sounds for just about every sex scene, too, except for one where
the woman says "oh God" quite a few times. The music
is 100% annoying. But at least it didn't get stuck in my head.
Reward or Punishment? You Be the Judge
Every time you do something big in the game, you get a fuck scene,
sans tool but rubbery boobs abounding. (Sorry for the pun.) There
is a theater where you can go to replay these a zillion times,
or maybe none in my case. Well, really, I did replay one but I
didn't know what the "Reggie's Reels" button did until
I clicked it.
This game has no redeeming value, social or otherwise. What's
worse, production values are practically nonexistent. It's not
sexy or even funny, it's merely limp. I wouldn't even go so far
as to call it a crapsterpieceit's just crap.
If you want to play a sexy game, by all means choose Kama
Sutra instead. That at least is an equal-opportunity
porno, with something of interest to both men and women. And the
men and women have realistic bodies. And the artwork is lovely.
All of these features are in direct contrast to Erotica Island.
Erotica Island cost me a perfectly good $40 plus shipping
from the U.K., and I never even opened the little Emergency Tissue
pack. What a rip! There are good bad games and bad bad games,
and Erotica Island is the nadir of the latter. All I got
out of the deal was the dubious pleasure of sharing some guy's
booby wet dream.
Developer: Flare Media Limited
Publisher: Flare Media Limited
Release Date: 2000
Four Fat Chicks Links
(Warning: Some of these screenshots are
sexually explicit and contain some nudity)
16 MB RAM (32 MB recommended)
Pentium 266 MHz or higher
2X CD-ROM drive
400 MB free hard drive space
800x600 display resolution
Where to Find It